PC Awareness

A few words on portion control...

I like to eat.

No effin’ way, right?

I don’t remember having a problem with portion control when I was living at home. I remember the “Mom-Look.” The do-you-really-need-more-of-that look I’d get when reaching for seconds. She tried, but I was stubborn.

After I met the Hubster, who loves to cook, the pounds piled on. I was completely oblivious…until I saw a picture of a Fat Lady that I didn’t even recognize as myself.

I’m embarrassed to admit just how much food I can pack away. I tend to think of food as something I deserve. I had a rough day at work. I deserve that pizza. I exercised really hard. I’m having those chips. Or worse…this food is really good and I might not get more, so I better eat it now, while I can. (Yes, it has crossed my mind, as terrible as it may be.)

Weight Watchers is good for me when I follow the plan. It’s too easy, though, to not track food. To not count points. To fall off the WW wagon. I’ve done it a million times. Back in March, when I dragged my mom to her first Turbo Kick class, she told me afterwards that I should be able to eat whatever I wanted after burning that many calories. I’m sure she didn’t mean it, but it stuck with me anyway. (Why did I pick that moment to start listening to her???) I started being a little more lenient with myself on the points. (Hmmm, Hip Hop and Turbo tonight? I’ll have cheese AND mayo on my Subway tonight…and maybe some chips. I burned a LOT of calories. Let’s get dessert. Calories are so much easier to get IN than they are get OUT.) I kept losing weight, but it was very slow.

In April, at my WW meeting, we talked about tracking. I knew it was something I needed to be better at. Every Monday, at the meeting, I would tell myself I was going to write down everything I put in my mouth, but by dinnertime Tuesday, I’d have quit already. I decided to buy a 3 month point tracker notebook because I always feel like the more money I invest in something, the more likely I am to stick to it. (No, it doesn’t really work, but I’m sticking with that theory for now.) I used my tracker religiously for…17 days. Damn. Two weeks later, I picked it up again. I wrote down breakfast. That was May 19th.

Today, I crossed out May 19th and started new. (I ate the same breakfast today that I did almost two months ago. I am very boring.) I wrote down everything I ate. EVERYTHING. The seven M&M’s I picked out of the Hubster’s trail mix. The mini milky way I swiped from the candy dish at work. The full fat alfredo sauce I poured onto my pasta. Every bite. I’ll do it again tomorrow. And the next day. And the next.

I have to.
I need to.

Since my foot injury, I haven’t been able to exercise like I want. Unfortunately, I haven’t changed my eating habits much and in the four weeks I’ve been practically immobile, I’ve gained (at least) four pounds. (I can HEAR my metabolism screaming at me. “What the hell are you doing? Get MOVING, girl!!!” It’s like having Jennie in my head.)

At my meeting last night, I refused to get on the scale, threatening to leave—or even quit—if they tried to make me. (Which they didn’t, of course.) I am out of control. I need to step back and remember why I’m doing this in the first place and remind myself that I can do it.

I can do this.

Tracking my points makes me realize that I actually don’t eat too badly. I generally eat pretty healthy for breakfast and lunch, and then screw it all up at dinner. The dinner I had tonight was only 9 points, though….the trick for me is eat only 9 points worth. Tonight, it meant measuring or weighing everything and boiling my noodles separately so I could make sure I had the proper portion. So I dirtied a few extra dishes…I ate my serving and when it was gone, it was gone. What I need is a big “OFF” switch. A big button that says, “Okay, stop eating NOW!” Since, apparently, I didn’t come with that button—did anyone?—I’m going to watch my portions, stick it out with Weight Watchers, track my points…

And lose this weight for good.

I am done being a Fat Lady.