Thursday, January 08, 2009

Not Sure How to Handle This...

I never watched 90210. Not religiously, anyway. Yes, I knew of Dylan and Brenda and Kelly and Donna. I saw the prom dress episode. And I caught 30 seconds of a very early episode where one of the girls told Brenda she had to lose weight because she couldn't hide under baggy winter clothes anymore. She was wearing a sweatshirt at the time--not a hoodie, an honest-to-God sweatshirt. I know. Those were some crazy times.

I guess I pictured myself hiding under bulky clothes and whipping out my whole new body come this spring. (Because I am beyond serious this time.) But people are noticing already.

"Are you losing weight?" One woman in my office asked me today.

Shushing her, I looked around to see if anyone had heard. I nodded. "I'm doing Weight Watchers," I admitted. "I've lost 13 pounds."

I'm kind of embarrassed to tell her this because--like the rest of the world--she knows I've done this before. Over and over again, in fact.

She used her hands to outline my rather large oversized hourglass shape. "You look great!" She told me. This woman had gastric bypass about 4...3? years ago. (I'm terrible at timelines. I can remember stuff...just can't remember when it happened. Could have been 3 years ago...could have been yesterday. How the hell should I know?) She said she's lost 160 pounds since her surgery and she just can't imagine hauling that kind of weight around every day. I came home and picked up a 12 pound weight...It puts it in perspective, that I used to carry that much weight with me all the time.

A few hours later, another woman followed me down the hallway. "Hey," she whispered as I peeled my orange. "I just wanted to come down here and tell you that you're looking really good...I can tell your boobs are getting smaller." (It's a compliment in my book. Have you seen my boobs? Gigantic.)

The Over-Complimenter caught me today, too. "Hey, Skinny Minny. Your shirt's too big."

It's too much. All at once. I'm embarrassed to talk about it...all of these people have seen me lose weight before. They've all seen me pile it back on...lose a few pounds, gain a few more...lose more, gain it back. It's been an endless cycle. I want to look them in the eye and say, "This is IT. I'm really doing it this time, I PROMISE." They've all heard it before. But then again, so have all of you.

MizFit, I am proud of myself, thank you. Scared to death and unable to take compliments, but proud. (And I like Pink, too. I heard that song twice at work today and wanted to get up and jam...but NOT do push-ups.)

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